Fall Beach Trip: What a Difference a Year Makes

Fall Beach Trip 2009

Fall Beach Trip 2010

Michael and I have made it a tradition to go to Gulf Shores, AL each November. The main purpose of this trip is for me to knock out 95% of my Christmas shopping in about two days time. We also love it because the weather is beautiful and the crowds are slim.
What no one knows is that the 2009 beach picture is also the morning we found out that we were pregnant with our 4th child. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, we lost that precious child just as we had lost the first three.
Yes, this current pregnancy is our 5th, and although we never wanted to lose a baby, I am so thankful that God led us through this journey because I now have a totally different perspective on life. There were many, MANY days that I repeatedly asked, "Why, God?". There were many days that I had to walk away from a situation or conversation because I was overcome with emotion and pain. There were many days when I would cry all the way home from work because I did not understand how someone could not want a precious child that they had been blessed with or how they could have healthy child after healthy child and do drugs their entire pregnancy...I was doing everything perfect. What was wrong with me? There were many days that I prayed for a negative pregnancy test because I was afraid of the sadness that had always followed a positive one.
Now, though, I can see the picture so clearly. Michael and I were not ready for a child two years ago. We were not ready as husband and wife to add another part to the equation, and we were not ready spiritually, financially...I could go on and on.
Since beginning our journey through pregnancy loss, I have been bombarded by texts, phone calls, emails, etc. from others who are experiencing the same thing, and in NO WAY do I think this is by mistake. I have had the opportunity to share our story with many people, and to share the ultimate message that God's plan for each of us is so perfect. I know that it may not sink in with them immediately, but my prayer is that it will at least get them through. Those days when I was overcome with fear, sadness, etc. that is the phrase that I would repeat to myself hundreds of times each day. God's plan is so perfect... God's plan is so perfect... God's plan is so perfect... It was the only thing that got me through.
The following picture speaks volumes to me. Now, 25 weeks pregnant with our healthy, precious Lilly Blair. We now know how precious life is and how TRULY GREAT our God is. We are SO ready now, and we can say without a doubt that God's plan for us to become parents was truly perfect...

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm